Not as different as they seem
by Graphite Reaction
Summary: Jayfeather/Breezepelt slashy goodness!  Cat/human creature AU.  Rated M for makeout scenes, slight Breezepelt abuse, incest, and swearing   expect a sequel sometime in the future
1. Chapter 1

"Jaypaw?" The boy lifted his head, sightless blue eyes gazing at his mother.

"Yes Squirrelflight?" Jaypaw replied, resting his chin on his arms. It was a warm afternoon in the Thunderclan household, and the blind healer in training was snoozing over a table in a direct patch of sunlight.

"Firestar and Leafpool want you to go to the gathering tonight." Squirrelflight pulled up a chair and sat next to her son, her tail flicking against his.

"Alright," Jaypaw sighed, whisking his tail away from Squirrelflight. Why couldn't she just leave him alone? He could manage himself at gatherings, though why the clans insisted on playing nice on night a month when they all hated each other was beyond him.

"Are you ok?" Squirrelflight asked him, affectionately stroking his just-above-the-shoulder-length grey hair. It matched the color of the short grey tabby fur that covered his body, like all the other clan cats.

"I'm _fine_," Jaypaw hissed, jerking his head away from his overprotective mother. "Just let me sleep for a while, alright? I'm fine." His cat ears flicked back and he faced away from Squirrelflight, clearly ignoring her. He heard he sigh, then stand up.

"I'll send Lionpaw to wake you later, ok?" Jaypaw didn't answer.

Squirrelflight sighed again, and then all Jaypaw could hear were her footsteps trailing off into some other corner of the large house.

Jaypaw closed his unseeing eyes and quietly slipping into a place where no one bothered him. Here, he could see, he could fight, and he could be everything he'd ever wanted. Here, in his dreams, he could be a warrior.

(* X *)

Hours later Jaypaw was awakened by his brother. Lionpaw had rough hands from fighting and he currently reeked of sweat form training.

"Hey, Jaypaw! It's time for the gathering," his brother told Jaypaw as he shook the blind medicinal apprentice awake.

"I'm awake," Jaypaw blinked blearily, his temporary sight robbed from him with reality.

"Good, because Firestar's ready to go and if we're late, he'll have both of our hides."

Jaypaw stood, stretched, and followed his brother outside to the porch where the warriors who would go to the gathering were waiting.

"Is Hollypaw going?" Jaypaw asked Lionpaw, his ears perking up to catch the snatched of conversation going on around him.

"No, she's stuck at home. She forgot to wash the elder's sheets so Firestar said she had to stay here and take care of them.

Jaypaw felt a twinge of sympathy for Hollypaw; the elders were even more demanding than normal if you forgot to wash their sheets when told to.

"Everyone here?" Firestar asked, and Jaypaw could hear the creaking of the old wooden boards where their leader shifted his wait. Firestar was nervous, although Jaypaw couldn't place why. Thunderclan's leader's emotions were too jumbled for Jaypaw to sort through. After a general assent following Firestar's words, the small band of people started their journey to the island where the gatherings were held every month at midnight. Jaypaw fell into step behind his mentor, Leafpool, and his father and the clan's deputy, Brambleclaw. Normally he'd eavesdrop on their conversation in case they were talking about him, but today all his senses were pinpointed on Firestar, trying to figure out what was bothering his leader.

Jaypaw caught a few words that sounded like 'Blackstar', 'Shadowclan', and 'crossing our borders…' before they reached the island. To get to the actual gathering, you had to cross a fallen log. Jaypaw would never admit it out loud, but he hated crossing onto the island. The trunk was slippery and the first time he'd crossed he'd almost fallen. Jaypaw suspected that the water below the log was very, very cold.

Lionpaw crossed before Jaypaw, and gave his brother's shoulder a reassuring squeeze before half scrabbling half leaping over to the island. Jaypaw took a deep breath, and then darted after him. His stomach dipped when his foot slipped. Jay felt himself loose his grip, but just before he could plummet into the cold water below, two arms and a pair of teeth had him by the arms and tee shirt. Jaypaw was then unceremoniously pulled onto the island and out of the stream of cat-people heading for the heart of the island.

"Watch your step," Jaypaw's rescuer spat, releasing him.

"I would if I could," Jaypaw shot back, a snarl on his lips.

"What are-"

"I'm blind, mousebrain!" Jaypaw hissed in annoyance, turning his back on whoever had just rescued him. The healer's apprentice stalked away, using his nose to guide him in the direction of everyone else.

"Hey- Wait!" Jaypaw's savior called, racing up behind him and catching his arm. Jay pulled his arm out of the other boy's grasp, wiping around.

"WHAT?" Jaypaw demanded, glaring in the direction of his rescuer's voice.

"'Hi, thanks for saving me. My name is whatever, it's nice to meet you.' No problem, just be more careful next time! My name's Breezepaw, I'm an apprentice from Windclan."

Jaypaw stiffened, debating whether to tell this apprentice to shove it. He sighed, relenting. "Thanks for not letting me drown. I'm Jaypaw, healer apprentice from Thunderclan."

Breezepaw let out a snicker and released Jaypaw's arm. "_Jay_paw? Like after the bird?"

"At least I'm not named after the weather."

Breezepaw snickered again, and started walking towards the gathering and clan members at the center of the island. "Well, birdboy, we might as well head over to the gathering before it starts."

Jaypaw trotted after him, using his ears to follow Breezepaw.

"So, is this your first gathering?" The Windclan neko asked, completely at ease.

"No." Jay was still sulking from his almost encounter with the freezing lake water.

"Cheer up." Breeze sniffed, elbowing Jay in the ribs. The healer apprentice winced.

"Why should I?" They were merging with the crowd now. Jaypaw could feel the stares already.

"Because you're with me!" Jay could almost feel the other boy smirking. He couldn't help but laugh at himself, and Breeze put an arm around is shoulders like they were old friends.

The stares from the other clans were burning into Jay's skin, or was that just his blush? Jaypaw could feel a strange emotion emanating from this strange Windclan apprentice, but he didn't have time to decipher it.

"Clans!" Blackstar, the leader of Shadowclan, called the gathering to order. Breeze removed his hand, and Jaypaw prepared himself for a long, boring gathering.

(*X *)

"Well, see you." Jaypaw has the uneasy feeling that Breezepaw is staring directly into his eyes.

"Y-Yeah, see ya." Jaypaw averts his eyes, hoping that they aren't staring at Breezepaw anymore. For what feels like the millionth time, Jay curses his lack of sight. He feels himself frown.

"What's wrong?" Jaypaw had thought that Breezepaw had turned to leave, but it was obvious that he was still being looked at.

"Nothing." Jay shrugged the other boy's concerns away, turning abruptly and using his ears to navigate through the crowd.

"Bye Jaypaw!" Breeze calls, and the Thunderclan neko had to fight a smile, trudging away quietly. He quickly fell into step beside Lionpaw while his older brother chatted amiably to Heatherpaw, a Windclan girl.

"Bye Lionpaw!" She called, running to catch up with her clan. A definite sense of attraction hit Jaypaw like a punch in the face when he accidently brushed up against his brother. Jay smirked. It was obvious Lionpaw had a thing for Heatherpaw. A vague sense of recognition filled Jaypaw, and with an unpleasant plunge of his stomach, he realized what the emotion he'd gotten from Breezepaw had been. But he shook it off with a shake of the head and increased pace.

The Windclan boy couldn't possibly be attracted to him.

(* X *)

"So, you enjoyed the gathering?" Heatherpaw chirped, finally catching up with Breezepaw. The dark haired boy rolled his eyes.

"It was fine. It looked like you were trying to seduce that orange haired kid. I felt bad for him." Breeze glared at the annoying apprentice.

"I was not!" Heatherpaw huffed, pretending to be offended.

"You were."

"Well, you were trying to seduce that blind kid, so you shouldn't be lecturing me!" The girl pointed out, crossing her arms and smirking at him. Breezepaw debated whether or not to protest.

"At least mine was actually cute." Breeze shouldered his way past the girl with the shocked expression, a triumphant grin on his face.

(* X *)

"Breezepaw!" His mother shrieked the moment the Windclan members arrived back at their house. Breezepaw winced, trotting through the hallways and into the basement where the women slept. Nightcloud was there, a livid expression turning her usual sweet appearance into a mask of rage.

"What?" Breeze asked, kicking at the wall to avoid having to look at her.

"Where is your father? He promised he'd eat with me tonight!" Nightcloud raged, grabbing Breezepaw by the shoulders and shaking him. The dark haired boy snarled, pushing his mother away.

"I don't know!" He stumbled backwards, hitting his head against the stone wall.

"Liar!" Nightcloud screamed, pulling her hand back to strike him.

"Nightcloud!" Breezepaw's father, Crowfeather, grabbed her arm, preventing her from hitting their son. A look of confusion passed over her face before she recognized who was at her side.

"Crow!" She gasped, embracing him. Crowfeather looked like he either wanted to vomit or cry. He shot a look of apology at Breezepaw, who met his gaze with cold hatred.

The young boy steadied himself against the wall, stalking out of the basement. No one would meet his eyes as he ran through the clan's house to his room near the top. It was closet sized; only fitting a mattress. His mother hated the upper levels of the house, so Breezepaw was safe up here, on the third and tallest story.

It was no secret to Windclan that she hit him. No one had ever tried to stop it, except Crowfeather. Breezepaw hated them both. It was Crowfeather's fault she was always angry, because he didn't love her. It was Crowfeather's fault that she hit his son.

Breezepaw curled up on his mattress, biting his lip angrily. No matter what, he would not cry.


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm sorry it's so short! I promise that, eventually, I'll choose one day a week to update with hopefully longer chapters, but school is being a betch, so, it's might take a few weeks.**

**Thank you so much for any and all reveiws/favorites/anything! I didn't actually expect anyone to see this, so people leaving reviews is wonderful ^^**

Two days after the gathering, Jaypaw was out on his own, searching the undergrowth for herbs.

He was dressed in plain jeans and a black t-shirt, or, that's what his brother had told him it was. After the time Lionpaw and Hollypaw given him a shirt that had_ something _on it that made everyone snigger, Jaypaw didn't quite trust anything they gave him. Sniffing, he located a patch of tansy underneath a bush. Grinning, Jaypaw crouched, reaching a hand under the bush and feeling around for the tansy. He cursed when a lock of his nearly shoulder-length grey hair snagged on the bush. His ears flicked back, and he attempted to untangle himself with his clawed fingers.

He was still crouching there, one hand around a bundle of tansy while the other attempted to free himself from the bush, when someone calling his name made him jump.

"Jaypaw!" The voice called again, and faint recognition tugged at Jaypaw. Finally just yanking his hair away with a wince, the boy straightened up and stalked in the direction of the voice, tail swishing back and forth in annoyance.

"Jay- Oh, hey." Breezepaw's scent was unmistakable once Jaypaw had strode out from under the forest's shadow.

"What do you want?" Jaypaw demanded, still clutching the tansy.

"Just to talk." Something seemed wrong with Breezepaw. His voice was strained, and as Jaypaw walked closer, he sensed that the other boy was greatly favoring one leg.

"Sure." Jaypaw drawled, raising an eyebrow. He jumped suddenly as something flicked by his leg, and realized a second later it was Breezepaw's tail. "What are you-"

"Maybe you're right," Breezepaw breathed, suddenly very close to Jaypaw. The blind boy stiffened, sensing, with dismay, that his back was being slowly pressed against a tree. "Maybe I don't just want to talk…" Breezepaw's suddenly stark emotions overwhelmed Jaypaw for a few seconds, blinding his other senses. He struggled helplessly, not able to hear or smell or sense anything other than the biting sadness emanating from the other boy. When he could feel again, Jaypaw could hardly breathe.

"Jaypaw? What the hell?" Breezepaw sounded confused. Jaypaw flinched, and the hand on his shoulder fell away. Sometime while Jaypaw had been drowning on dry land, Breezepaw had moved away from him.

"What?" Jaypaw demanded, trying to hide his brief lapse in sanity by getting angry.

"Oh, nothing. You just started shivering, made choking noises, and lashed out with your claws." Breezepaw said sarcastically. Jaypaw could hear him pacing in front of him, and was glad that he was still leaning against the tree. His knees felt like they were about to give out.

"Sorry, did I cut you?" Jaypaw replied, just as bitingly sarcastic as Breezepaw. His tail lashed, his irritation and fear. His chest was still heaving silently, sweat trickled down his back, where no one could see. "I guess Windclan warriors can't even avoid weak little healers." He spat, bitterness adding to his mix of emotions.

"If you're weak, then I'm a badger," Breezepaw laughed nastily. "I don't know why I even came, you're just like the rest of them." In spite of what Breezepaw had said, the Windclan boy hadn't made a move to leave. In fact, he'd stopped somewhere in front of Jaypaw, and the blind boy had the odd feeling Breezepaw was staring at him.

"If you feel like that, why don't you leave?" Jaypaw snapped, ignoring the slight to his character. "I don't have all day, so either get lost or get what you came here for."

Breezepaw growled, stalking up to Jaypaw, again. Jaypaw stood his ground, sensing when Breezepaw was about three paw-widths away.

"Maybe I will." Breezepaw lowered his face to Jaypaw's, breathing on his face, slowly placing his hands on Jaypaw's shoulder's, and letting them wander down to the middle of his chest. Jaypaw fought to control his breathe, refusing to let Breezepaw know how scared he was, but his ears gave him away, flicking back against his head.

Breezepaw chuckled, then grabbed Jaypaw by the t-shirt and pulled the other boy into him, biting down on his bottom lip. Jaypaw gasped, and the Windclan boy used this opportunity to shove his tongue into Jaypaw's mouth. Breezepaw's fangs made the inside of his mouth bleed, and the closeness of another being made Jaypaw want to last out, to hurt someone, even if that someone was himself. So he fisted his hand in Breezepaw's hair, and pulled the boy's head far back enough that he can bite at Breezepaw's jaw, a growl building inside him. Breezepaw freezes in surprise, then hisses. Jaypaw had drawn blood.

"Jaypaw?" They both freeze, Jaypaw's ears suddenly alert. It was Leafpool.

The sound is from far off, but it's enough to cause them to realize just what it is they're doing. They spring apart, and shame washes over Jaypaw.

"I-"

"I'll see you around," There's a smirk in Breezepaw's voice that wasn't their before, and it makes Jaypaw bristle with sudden indignation.

"I doubt it." He replies; sidestepping the tree he'd used to support himself, anger lending him strength. He can feel Breezepaw's surprise. Did the Windclan boy really think he'd just let anyone mess with him? If he did, he was even more of an idiot then Jaypaw had first guessed. Flicking his tail, he stalked away to meet his mentor.

(*X*)

Breezepaw watched Jaypaw stalk away, and had to fight a smile. The grey-haired boy was like a kitten who believed it was a tiger. Maybe one day that attitude would get him into trouble, or maybe he'd grow into it. Gingerly feeling his new cut, Breezepaw turned and quietly slipped through the trees. Thankfully, the lake was close by, and Breezepaw quickly settles back into his familiar strut, black tail trailing lazily behind him. To the casual passersby, he looked like he didn't have a care in the world, as though he believed himself to better then everyone else. That was true, sometimes. Right now, Breezepaw didn't know what to feel.

He had pinned another boy to a tree and practically ravished his mouth. A boy. A boy from another _clan._

And the Windclan apprentice felt pleased with himself for doing it. He had wanted to do it again; had cursed the Thunderclan woman for interrupting them. He didn't know how Jaypaw was feeling now, but Breezepaw knew that he had enjoyed it, at least. No one responds like that unless they had wanted it just as much as the other person.

Breezepaw kicked a stone, pausing to watch it splash into the lake. It was a sunny day, which is why he'd chosen it to go looking for Jaypaw. He'd thought, rightly, that the other apprentice would be gathering herbs. His own clan believed him to be hunting, and he'd have to think of a pretty good story when he returned with nothing.

The path the led around the lake was completely covered in pebbles. They were warm against Breezepaw's bare feet. He tugged at his dark-gray collared shirt. The cool breeze kept whipping his hair out of place, but he didn't mind. It was easy to pretend he was fine when he was alone, surrounded by the beauty of his home.

_His home._

His real home, the large house concealed in a dip on the moor, never made him feel like this. That place was full of bad memories; of hiding in the shadows to avoid his mother, of hearing his parents fight, of watching the people who were supposed to take care of him stay silent when Breezepaw was beaten. Even as a kit, he'd felt uneasy in the house. It was different, of course, on the moor. Everything was open, there was no where his parents could suddenly jump out from, no where Nightcloud could catch him unawares.

The sky is clear above him, though it's evening. Breezepaw finally steps off the pebbled path, and lets his feet trace the familiar path through the grass. He purposefully takes as long as he needs, managing to catch a rabbit by surprise. So, at least he'll have something to bring back to his clan. His ears flick back, however, when he catches sight of the rickety old house with peeling paint.

(*X*)


	3. Chapter 3

***Slight warning, a little bit of pervyness ahead. Once again, sorry for lateness. I had a tiny bit of writers block, but I keeled it. With fire. Enjoy, and I did try to describe the cat-people in this one. Or, at least, Jaypaw.* **

Jaypaw frowns, leaning over the Moonpool. He's dreaming, because he can see his reflection, complete with the bruise on his lip. Pale blue eyes looked back at him, making him shiver. Even though he knew that he was dreaming, and that those eyes belonged to him, Jaypaw couldn't get over how… odd they looked.

Jaypaw, along with all the other clan cats, looked mostly human. They had human body parts, like faces, legs, hands, and the like. However, if you looked closely, you could see a very thin covering of fur, maybe about half a centimeter in the thickest places. Jaypaw's fur was a light, faintly blue, silvery colour. Cat ears protruded from his hair, which fell to mid-neck. His bangs fell in his face, giving him a mysterious, threatening demeanor. His hands, which had short claws sticking out under his fingernails, were callused against the thorns he frequently encountered while looking for herbs. Jaypaw reached up and moved his bangs aside, staring into his eyes. He leaned closer, eyes widening as he-

"Jaypaw?"

Jaypaw jumped, spinning around to face Bluestar, who had a bemused look on her face. Black hair hung to her elbows, and she had an eyebrow piercing, something that had surprised Jaypaw upon first meeting the Starclan woman.

"Hello, Bluestar." Jaypaw grumbled, not quite meeting her eyes. He still hadn't forgiven her, Yellowfang, and the others for ganging up on him and forcing him to become a healer.

"Where have you been?" Bluestar motioned for Jaypaw to follow her, as she turned. Jaypaw didn't move.

"Around," He said evasively. The tail that poked out from the top of his jeans twitched.

"Around." Bluestar repeated, her eyes narrowing.

"That is what I said."

"Jaypaw, you need to know what we have to teach you!" Bluestar scolded, falling into the familiar argument. He was so familiar with the much repeated speech; he could have finished it for her.

"If you're going to be your clan's healer-"

"I don't want to be my clan's healer!" Jaypaw filled in his designated line, tired of their argument already. Every night it was the same thing over and over. Yellowfang, Bluestar, and Spottedleaf took turns picking him up from the Moonpool, each delivering the same speech every time Jaypaw refused to move.

"Jaypaw, we've been over this, you _must-_"

"Must what?" Jaypaw spat. "Give up my dream because of what a few dead people said?" Even as he argued, Jaypaw knew that eventually, he would give up and become the healer he was destined to become. But that didn't mean he was going to make it easy for anyone. Including himself.

Bluestar was about to open her mouth, a counter argument on her lips, when Jaypaw slowly opened his eyes to the waking world.

He was alone, as far as he could tell, lying on his bed. The boy blinked a few times, getting used to the sudden blindness. He sat up, rubbing his eyes and yawning, and then froze.

"Hello, Jaypaw." Breezepaw hissed, wrapping his arms around Jaypaw's torso and nuzzling his neck. The smaller, blind boy froze, and then twisted in Breezepaw's grip. He gave a soft moan, pressing himself against Breezepaw. The Windclan boy growled possessively, easing Jaypaw down so the boy could lay on his back, under Breezepaw. His hand slithered underneath Jaypaw's shirt, and he slammed his mouth against the blind boy's. Jaypaw responded with another growl, his knee rubbing between Breezepaw's legs. Breezepaw moaned, and started to play with Jaypaw's jean zipper when-

Breezepaw woke, opening his eyes and squinting against the sunlight. He made to stand, and then stopped with a wince. He looked down, and groaned in annoyance.

"Fuck." Breezepaw had a boner, and it _hurt. _He glanced at the electronic clock plugged into the wall two feet from the door. 8:12 A.M. No one would come to fetch him for a patrol until nine. He had dawn patrol tomorrow. Quickly, he unzipped the worn jeans he slept in and began to rub at his erection. He cast his mind around for a hot fantasy but all that he could think of was how Jaypaw's mouth felt against his, and the way their bodies just fit together perfectly, and the angry, possessive way Jaypaw had bitten him when-

Breezepaw cried out softly, coming into his hand. As he panted, still lying on his mattress, he realized he probably should have done this in the bathroom. _Hindsight…._he though with a sigh, making to sit up.

(*X*)

Jaypaw shivered involuntarily, rubbing his arms to keep them warm. Leafpool had woken him up early to go looking for catmint, and he'd forgotten to grab his jacket. Consequently, he was now freezing.

"How much further?" He asked, goosebumps all along his upper arms.

"Not very." Leafpool replied, his voice devoid of any comforting. "It's your own fault that you left your jacket behind. I did warn you it would be cold."

"I'm _fine._ I don't need a jacket." Jaypaw lied, refusing to lose face.

"You're turning blue." Leafpool sounded amused. Jaypaw was just about to snap back with an impressive retort, when he heard footsteps behind them. Leafpool turned to face behind them, and Jayfeather swiveled his ears towards the newcomer, as whoever it was barged through the undergrowth, panting.

"Leafpool!" Squirrelflight gasped. "B-Barkface, c-came to our house this morning!" She stopped, bracing herself on Leafpool's shoulder. Concerned, Jaypaw tentatively touched his mother's hand. Squirrelflight gave it a reassuring squeeze, and then resumed talking.

"This morning, Barkface came to Firestar with an interesting proposition. He needs you two back at home."

"Alright. Come on, Jaypaw." Leafpool and Squirrelflight continued to converse as Jaypaw trailed behind them, on the alert for things which he could possibly trip over.

"What does Barkface need? Did Firestar say?"

"I'm not sure, but I think he wants Jaypaw to stay over in Windclan's camp for a few days…"

"What? But Jaypaw's only been a healer apprentice for a moon!"

"I don't know, but Barkface said something about Thunderclan not being able to spare you, what with Brambleclaw coughing so hard this morning, and I heard one of the queens say that their kit's have been a little run down lately."

"I know. That's why Jaypaw and I were fetching catmint. I found some growing in that old garden…"

"But why do you think Barkface needs someone from Thunderclan anyway?"

"Do you think something's happened to Kesteralpaw?"

"Maybe…"

The two women lapsed into silence, trudging quietly through the misty woods. Jaypaw shivered again. He was still cold.

Soon, however, Jaypaw could hear snatches of whispered conversation, and the three Thunderclan members strode up the rickety old stairs and into the large house they all called home.

"Jaypaw! There you are!" Lionpaw greeted his brother, throwing an arm around the grey-haired boy's shoulders.

"Hey." Jaypaw tensed, feeling uncomfortable.

"Lionpaw? Are they-" Brambleclaw coughed, then continued. "Here?"

"We're here," Squirrelflight breezed past the Healers and into the dining room, where her mate was waiting. They kissed wetly enough to make Jaypaw wish he'd never been born with strong hearing, or any hearing at all. Leafpool coughed politely as she, Jaypaw, and Lionpaw entered the room behind her. Squirrelflight pulled away from her husband with a sigh.

Jaypaw could feel the tension from Firestar when the leader spoke.

"Good morning, Jaypaw, Leafpool." He greeted them, kissing Leafpool on the cheek and ruffling his grandson's hair.

"Good Morning," Leafpool returned. Jaypaw ducked his head, turning slightly to Barkface.

"Hello again Jaypaw." The old Healer said warmly. Jaypaw allowed himself a small smile. Barkface was good at his job, and he didn't take no for an answer. Jaypaw liked him.

"Hello, Barkface." Jaypaw nodded at the older man.

"What brings you here?" Leafpool asked, putting a hand on Jaypaw's shoulder. His ear twitched in annoyance.

"Well…" Barkface started.

"Apparently Windclan has been hit with an epidemic of Whitecough… Barkface has requested an apprentice to help him with the herbs." Firestar reported, coming to stand next to Barkface.

"Kesteralpaw has caught it, and I'm not as young as I used to be." Barkface said solemnly.

"Of course Jaypaw could help, if that's what you wanted to ask." Leafpool told the older man, sorrow in her voice. "Anything to help Windclan- Whitecough isn't something you can take lightly."

"Thank you, Windclan will not forget this," Barkface replied, relief obvious in his voice. Jaypaw felt a twinge of unease. He would be staying with Windclan for a few days, where he might see…

"Jaypaw, are you alright with this?" Firestar asked.

"Sure. I want to help." Jaypaw shrugged.

"Then go pack. Barkface, when do you want to leave…?"

"As soon as possible." Jaypaw turned, tuning the rest of the conversation out. He had bags to pack.

(*X*)

"Hey! Breezepaw!" Heatherpaw barreled into Breezepaw as he walked into the Clan's sitting room. Breezepaw cringed away from the touch, showing his fangs.

"What do you want?" He asked, harshly.

"Guess what's happened!" Heatherpaw chirped, oblivious to Breezepaw's discomfort.

"What?" Breezepaw took a step back, out of range of Heatherpaw.

"Barkface just left to go to Thunderclan, since so many cats have gotten sick!"

"Cats have gotten sick?"

"Breezepaw! Where have you been, hiding in a fox burrow?" Heatherpaw put her hands on her hips, rolling her eyes. For some reason, Breezepaw had the strong urge to reach out and strangle her.

"How many?"

"Five are in the healer's room, so far. But Tornear was coughing this morning, and Antpelt looks terrible. So, seven all in all, I guess."

"Wow. So, how come Barkface went to Thunderclan?"

"He wants to see if Leafpool, or that blind kid she's training will come to help." Heatherpaw shrugged.

Breezepaw's stomach did a back flip. Jaypaw. Jaypaw would be coming… to stay here?

"So what? It doesn't matter to me." Breezepaw spat, sidestepping the girl and walking past her. He didn't need eyes in the back of his head to tell that he had hurt Heatherpaw, but he still couldn't hide a grin.

Jaypaw was coming.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey there kiddies! Sorry for the longer-then-normal- wait. i fisnished school, so I'll try to update more reularly. Maybe. I'll do my best, any way. Thank you everyone, for review, or fving, or just reading my story! I love you all!**

**P.S. Remember, Love = Reviews! **

(*X*)

Jaypaw trudged behind his mentor and Barkface, ears twitching in annoyance. It was early afternoon, and snowing. The white flakes kept piling onto of his ears, and it was _cold._ He wasn't bothering to eavesdrop, but only because it looked like small talk. Small talk was always boring. No juicy secrets and they most defiantly weren't talking about him.

Jaypaw adjusted his backpack, pulling the strap farther down so it wouldn't chafe so much against his arm. He'd grabbed his jacket (pure black- so he'd been told) but it didn't stop the snow from somehow getting down his shirt. It should have been impossible, but Jaypaw suspected that snow had a mind of its own and was trying to kill him. He'd always suspected that the universe was trying to do him in.

"—isn't that right, Jaypaw?" Leafpool asked, laughing slightly. Jaypaw felt her stare.

"Huh?" He replied intelligently.

"Your mentor was just telling me about the time you and your sibling decided it was a good idea to go fox hunting… before you even became apprentices." Barkface chuckled softly. Jaypaw felt himself turn red.

"Yeah, we were…. We didn't really think that one through." He said, lamely. His mind was just not on task today.

Leafpool must have noticed this, because she smiled sympathetically. "Nervous?"

"Just a little." It wasn't really a lie. He was nervous about helping Barkface and spending a few days with another clan, but mostly he was worried about one person in particular.

Three guesses as to who it was.

If you guessed 'Breezepaw' you are correct! Here, have a bucketful of nerves and a good helping of oh-fuck-what-have-I-gotten-myself-into?

Jaypaw sighed silently, hearing Barkface and Leafpool start up with their conversation again. He hadn't seen Breezepaw since they'd…

"Jaypaw, are you okay? You're face is all red." Leafpool's voice nearly startled him.

"No, I'm fine. It must be the cold." Jaypaw shrugged. Suddenly, Leafpool hugged him.

"Well, I have to go back now. You'll cross into Windclan territory with Barkface. Have fun! Train hard!" She let him go, and Jaypaw was suddenly very warm.

"I will!" He promised.

"Goodbye Barkface." Leafpool's footsteps started growing faint.

"Goodbye Leafpool!" Barkface called after her, and started walking again. Jaypaw sped up slightly so he could walk next to the older man.

They walked in silence, until the wind around the moor was whipping Jaypaw's clothes around, and they had been walking for almost an hour.

"So, are you ready to help me? Have you had any experience with any of the 'coughs before?' Barkface asked.

"I guess I'm ready. I haven't had much experience, but I know what the symptoms are and what herbs Leafpool told me to treat them with."

"Well, that's good." Barkface chuckled, and it struck Jaypaw just how old he must be.

"Uhh… how is Kesteralpaw?" He asked.

"He's... sick. But it's just whitecough, and he was recovering when I left." Barkface's voice turned grave. "I'm worried about Owlwhisker. He was really bad when I left; and I'm worried about greencough. If he gets it, and it spreads… Onestar can't keep his whiskers out of the healer's room, and I don't know what I'll do if he catches it too. In fact, once we get home, that will be one of your duties. Keeping Onestar out of my room. Got it?"

"Yessir." Jaypaw could sense Barkface's smile. Then the healer stopped, and Jaypaw felt his gaze.

"We're here."

Jaypaw gulped, and followed Barkface up to the house, and through the door.

"There he is!"

"Barkface is back!"

"Who's that with him?"

"It's the blind kid from Thunderclan!"

"Isn't he a healer apprentice?"

"Is he here to help us?"

"I hope so! Kersteralpaw is still sick and-"

"Barkface needs all the help he can get, what with his-"

"Ssh! He can hear you!"

Jaypaw flattened his ears, ducking behind Barkface. All the new scents, sounds, and people put him a little off his game. What had he been thinking?

"Calm down, all of you!" A new voice rang out, and Jaypaw automatically sensed this was Windclan's leader, Onestar.

His theory was confirmed when Barkface greeted him.

"Hello, Onestar."

"Welcome home, Barkface. Who's this you have with you?" The leader's voice was kind, and Jaypaw felt a little better. He edged out from behind Barkface, exposing himself to Windclan.

"This is Leafpool's apprentice, Jaypaw." Jaypaw heard a mummer of approval go through the crowd. Leafpool was well liked. "He's here to help me, since my own apprentice is… out of commission."

"Welcome to our home, Jaypaw." Jaypaw's face grew slightly warm under the leader's scrutiny. He wished people wouldn't stare. "I trust you'll do your best, and learn a lot. Thank you for coming."

"Anytime." Jaypaw was extremely thankful that his voice betrayed none of his emotions.

Suddenly, a female voice broke in through the crowd.

"Where's he going to sleep? There're no extra beds in the apprentice den!"

"Calm down Nightcloud, I'm sure we'll work something out." Onestar soothed the queen.

"I'm not sharing a bed with him!" A young, male voice cried out angrily.

"Me neither!" Said an equally young, female voice.

"Harepaw, Heatherpaw. I'm not going to make you share with him if you don't want to." Now there was an edge to Onestar's voice. Jaypaw shifted his weight, giving the crowd his blank face.

"Then where can he stay? There's no room in the healer's place!"

"He wouldn't _dare_ sleep with the warriors!"

"Mom! I don't wanna share my nest with the creepy blind boy!" One of the kit's wailed, nearly making Jaypaw wince. Obviously, these people didn't want his help, if they wouldn't even give him a place to sleep. He was about to say as much, when a new voice stopped him cold.

"Honestly! If it's that much of a problem, he can share a room with me!" Breezepaw called out, sounding annoyed.

Jaypaw's stomach dropped into his feet, and his heart beat fast. He would have to share a room- alone, it sounded like- with… Breezepaw?

"Thank you, Breezepaw." Onestar sounded surprised. "I realize that you have your own room, and it would be wonderful if you could share with Jaypaw for a few days. Is that all right, Jaypaw?"

Everyone looked at him.

"Yeah. It's be great." Jaypaw nodded gratefully. His head was roaring, and his palms were sweaty.

'Stupid.' He silently reprimanded himself. 'No one should make you feel like this! You'll be fine, just calm down. You have work to do!'

Barkface led him through the intricate hallways of Windclan's large home, and Jaypaw managed not to run into anything. Since his outburst in the entrance hall, Breezepaw was nowhere to be seen.

In the healers room, Jaypaw learned how to apply tansy to fever patients, how catmint (how delicious it smelled…) was used to fight whitecough, and that Barkface had a strange dieses that made his hands shake. All in all, there were seven 'cough victims, and people kept dropping in, complaining of thorns in their hands, stubbed toes, tails that had been slammed in doors, and, in one case, a claw that had been half ripped out. By the time they'd done all they could for the long-term patients and sent the last women with a slightly sore tail back to her bed, it was very late, and Jaypaw was exhausted.

"You get to sleep, Jaypaw. You're about to fall asleep on your feet! Breezepaw's room is on the top floor (since he doesn't like the company of the other apprentices). You can follow your nose to find it." Barkface clapped Jaypaw on the shoulder, gently guiding him out of the healer's room. Jaypaw was too tired to worried about what would happen, and he trailed up the stairs until his nose led him to the door that led to Breezepaw's small room. That was his first mistake. The second was checking to see where Breezepaw was when Jaypaw opened the door and tripped inside. He landed on the mattress, kicked his shoes off, and was promptly smothered by Breezepaw.

"Nice to see you again." The slightly older boy whispered, putting a hand over Jaypaw's mouth. Jaypaw froze, and then relaxed. If need be, he was pretty sure he could protect himself from the other apprentice. If not, all he had to do was bite down on Breezepaw's fingers and scream for Barkface, who's hearing was still well enough in his old age to hear if Jaypaw yelled.

Breezepaw's hand slid away, and Jaypaw could sense confusion. He smirked.

"Nice to see you too." He breathed, shifting his body until Breezepaw's hips rested comfortably between his legs. Breezepaw tensed, and then relaxed as well, resting his head on Jaypaw's chest.

"You're cold." The Windclan cat told him.

"You're warm." Jaypaw murmured. He heard the other boy chuckle, and suddenly the weight on his chest was gone. "Breezepaw, what are you-?" He broke off with a low gasp.

"If you want me to stop…" Breezepaw had pulled Jaypaw's jeans down to his knees, and was propped up on his elbows, entertaining himself by playing with the elastic band of the other boy's boxers.

"We don't know each other well enough to be doing this!" Jaypaw felt his face burn, and hoped the room was dark so Breezepaw wouldn't see.

"How would you suggest we get to know each other better?" Breezepaw's voice was mild, but Jaypaw felt his disappointment as sharp as knife. What was wrong with this kid?

Jaypaw couldn't help but growl, mentally calling himself ten different kinds of fool. _He shouldn't have encouraged this... maniac. He should just shout for Barkface before anything more happened. Something he'd regret... _

Breezepaw chuckled again, his head somewhere above Jaypaw's.

"You're so cute when you're confused." He purred, sounding like he was just inches from Jaypaw's ear. The blind cat-like boy made a disbelieving noise, and before Breezepaw could say anything else, he grabbed Breezepaw's t-shirt and pulled him into a kiss.

At first, neither yielded to the other's tongue, but Jaypaw pulled a dirty trick, digging his claws into the back of Breezepaw's neck as he pulled the boy closer, effectively making Breezepaw gasp in pain.

After a few moments, they broke apart. Jaypaw laughed softly, listening to Breezepaw desperately pull in air.

"How about like that?" He asked, purposefully blocking out the part of his mind screaming at _him _to scream for _Barkface_ and _get the hell out of there_.

"That could work." Breezepaw agreed, once he'd regained the ability to breathe. A small part of him felt unsettled, being dominated by a smaller, blind apprentice from another clan. A larger part of him was mesmerized by the healer and his ability to manipulate. The black haired apprentice leaned down, lightly biting Jaypaw's left ear. Small hands made their way down the back of his shirt, making to pull it over his head and off. Breezepaw snickered as the shirt got caught between his face and Jaypaw's ear. As punishment, he was elbowed in the stomach. He relinquished the feline ear with a huff, and the shirt was pulled free.

"You have a lot of scars." Jaypaw commented.

"I _am_ a warrior apprentice. We tend to get knocked around in training."

"I wouldn't know."

"What, you don't run your hands over every warrior apprentice you meet?"

"I tend not to make it a habit, no. They usually get offended, especially the girls. They seem to think I'm trying to feel them up, you see."

"I see." Breezepaw nuzzled the grey hair in front of his face. It was really soft. He froze as Jaypaw let his hands drift down his back, tracing his spine, all the way to his jeans.

"I thought you said we didn't know each other well enough to be doing things like this?" Breezepaw asked, amused.

"Shut up." Jaypaw retorted, shoving Breezepaw's jeans down. "I don't want o be the most undressed person in this room."

"You still have your shirt." Breezepaw pointed out.

"So I do." Jaypaw's rough tongue traced Breezepaw's bottom lip, and the Windclan boy shivered. In retaliation, his hand wandered down Jaypaw's shirt to stroke the growing lump in his boxers. The blind boy moaned quietly, his back arching without his consent.

Breezepaw smothered a laugh with his free hand, teasing Jaypaw with two fingers. The Thunderclan apprentice was panting already, bracing himself with his elbows. Suddenly, Breezepaw removed the hand from between Jaypaw's legs, instead grinding his hips against the other boy's. Jaypaw hissed in pleasure while Breezepaw moaned. They rocked against each other, the Thunderclan apprentice burying his face in Breezepaw's neck. The Windclan apprentice sucked in rapid breathes as he rubbed against Jaypaw's throbbing cock.

The small closet-like room was filled with sharp pants and moans as the two boys ground against each other. The burning pleasure between them built until Jaypaw couldn't take the feel of rough fabric and the hardness of Breezepaw's erection. He bit down on Breezepaw's shoulder as he came, his back arching off the mattress. At the same time, Jaypaw felt Breezepaw shudder.

They lay together for a few minutes, panting and letting their heartbeats slow. Breezepaw's eyelids drooped, and he rested his head on Jaypaw's chest once again, letting the steady beat of the healer apprentice's heart lull him into-

"We need to talk."


	5. Chapter 5

(*X*)

"We did talk." Breezepaw grumbled, barely opening his left eye. Jaypaw was frowning down at him, an odd look on his face.

"You know what I mean."

"No, I really don't."

"Do I have to spell it out for you?"

"Yes." Both of Breezepaw's eyes were open by now, though only halfway. Jaypaw was too warm and comfortable for his own good.

"I want to know why the hell you do this to me. Why me? This is wrong on so many levels and I'm going to be a healer and we're in different clans and-"

Breezepaw sat up, his amused expression effectively shutting Jaypaw up.

"I lied."

"What?" Jaypaw looked…confused. It was adorable.

"Back when I said that you were just like them… you're not. You're different." Breezepaw shrugged, not sure of how to explain.

"Different isn't a compliment." The blind boy's voice had a bitter edge to it.

"For me it is." Breezepaw retorted, shifting into a more comfortable position, since he'd been evicted from Jaypaw's chest.

"For me it isn't. I hate different." Jaypaw turned his face away from Breezepaw, scowling at the plain white wall. "Different is why I can't be a warrior. Why I'm not good enough to fight for my clan. And if it ended me up here, breaking several different parts of the Warrior Code, I'll just hate it even more."

Breezepaw winced. "Then why didn't you stop me?" He demanded, grabbing Jaypaw by the shoulder and forcing the other boy to face him.

"I don't know!" Jaypaw snapped, jerking out of his grasp. That was a lie, though. He did know why, but he wasn't going to give this stupid, bossy Windclan apprentice the satisfaction.

Breezepaw scowled, crossing his arms.

Sighing, Jaypaw could feel the hurt and confusion rolling off the Windclan apprentice in waves.

"We don't have to talk about it now…" The Thunderclan apprentice said gently, and Breezepaw relaxed. "…But we will talk about it, soon." Maybe after Jaypaw had decided he'd tortured the other boy enough.

"Fair enough." Breezepaw sighed as well, lying back down. Jaypaw made a move to sleep curled next to the wall, but a strong arm circled around his shoulders and he found himself tucked neatly against Breezepaw. "Now shut up and go to sleep." The taller, slightly older Windclan apprentice murmured, burying his face in Jaypaw's hair.

(*X*)

"Here, I got you some fresh kill." Heatherpaw said shyly, handing Jaypaw a plate.

"Thanks." Jaypaw smiled at her, his nose telling him he'd just been served a slab of rabbit meat. His stomach growled and both he and Heatherpaw laughed.

"So, uh, is Lionpaw your brother?"

"Hmm?" Jaypaw had located a fork and was shoveling the meat into his mouth as fast as he could. He was starving! "Oh, yeah. And Hollypaw is my sister."

"It must be… nice to have siblings." Heatherpaw seemed shy, but curious.

"Sometimes. We got into a lot of trouble as kids, but it's nice to know that someone always has your back." Jaypaw mused, finally finishing his meal. "Thanks a lot for the food, but I have to go help Barkface now."

"No problem. I have training anyway. I'll talk to you later."

Jaypaw turned, making for the doorway before he accidently ran into someone.

"Sorry-" He started, but was stopped by a finger on his lips.

"It's alright. I should've watched myself more carefully." Breezepaw laughed; obviously amused at the blush Jaypaw could feel spreading across his face.

Jerking away, Jaypaw stubbornly tried to ignore Breezepaw and took a brisk step to the left, again trying to get through the doorway. He was uncomfortably aware that Heatherpaw had left, and now it was just him in Breezepaw. Taking a step forward, he once again found his path blocked by a lean Windclan apprentice.

"Not even a hello?" Breezepaw pretended to be gravely upset. Something about him seemed off, but Jaypaw couldn't tell exactly what it was.

"No." Jaypaw growled, stepping back but to no avail. Breezepaw stepped with him, capturing the other boy in a gentle kiss.

"I'll talk to you later." Just like that, Breezepaw as striding out the door. Frowning, Jaypaw lifted the hand that had found itself pressed against the Windclan boy's chest and gave it a sniff. His stomach gave an uncomfortable twist. Breezepaw's scent was tainted with recent blood and just a tiny bit of... wrongness.

Still worried, Jaypaw left the kitchen and made for the stairs. He had work to do, and dwelling on Breezepaw wasn't going to help either of them.

(*X*)

"Breezepaw; focus!" Whitetail snapped, jerking Breezepaw back into reality. His shoulders ached, and there was a new bruise on his chest that twinged whenever he moved.

"Sorry." Breezepaw sighed, forcing himself to concentrate on the move. Something tickled the back of his throat, and he coughed. Whitetail froze, staring at his apprentice with worry.

"You alright?"

"I think s-" Breezepaw started coughing again, huge, heaving chokes that left him shaky.

"Do you need to see the healer?" Whitetail put a hand to Breezepaw's forehead, and Breezepaw had to fight down a smile. For all that Whitetail pretended to have a stone cold heart; he was one of the few people in Windclan who actually gave a damn whether or not Breezepaw woke up every morning.

"No, I'm sure I'm fi-" Breezepaw doubled over, his chest aching when he coughed. He squeezed his eyes shut and waited for the spasm to end.

"B-Breezepaw…" Something was wrong in Whitetail's voice. Opening his eyes, Breezepaw froze in horror. There was blood on the ground in front of him.

"I think… I'd better go see Barkface." He said wryly, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. The reddish stain on his grey, long sleeved shirt was somehow even more unnerving then the blood at his feet.

"I'll walk you there." Whitetail offered, and together they made their way from the clearing used to practice battle moves back to the large house that housed Windclan, and up to the Healer's room.

Jaypaw was coaxing a patient to swallow some herbs, and didn't notice anyone else until Barkface mentioned Breezepaw's name.

"-how can I help you?" The older healer dried his wrinkly hands on an old rag, motioning for Breezepaw and his mentor to enter the room. There were seven beds full, which was one more than the day before. Breezepaw couldn't help but wonder which of the two sickly-looking warriors from the day before was here; Antpelt or Tornear. Then he wondered if he was next.

"During training, before we'd started actually, Breezepaw started coughing. I wasn't really worried until I saw he was coughing up blood." Whitetail reported anxiously, the nervousness in his voice making Breezepaw's tail lash.

Barkface's skin literally drained of colour. "That- get him over here."

"I can walk." Breezepaw grumbled, coughing slightly as he hopped up onto the vacant bed Barkface had gestured at.

"Take off your shirt." Breezepaw raised an eyebrow but did as he was told, fighting the urge to slouch as the healer poked and prodded at his chest, listening to his heartbeat and other healer stuff. He cast his gaze around the room for something to distract himself with, and settled on Jaypaw, who had looked up and turned his sightless eyes towards the small group of warriors.

But as though sensing Breezepaw's gaze, Jaypaw looked back at his patient, speaking softly.

"It's just as I thought." Barkface's grave voice jerked Breezepaw away from his Jaypaw-watching.

"What-" cough "- is?" Breezepaw asked, looking up.

"You have greencough."

Jaypaw's head shot up as he twisted around to face the direction Barkface's voice had come from.

Breezepaw gaped at his clan's healer.

"You're joking!" He said, disbelieving. Mournfully, Barkface shook his head.

(*X*)

A few hours later, Breezepaw had no doubt that Barkface was right. He was coughing harder than ever, his skin was a dull, unhealthy colour, and he felt weak.

As soon as the Windclan healer had given his diagnosis, Jaypaw had rushed over and together the healers had set up a small section away from all the other sick clan members. Breezepaw's health had continued to decrease until they'd been forced to slip him a sleeping draft just to get him to stop _talking_. He'd become slightly delirious, and started telling old stories that were all inappropriate in some way.

"How did he manage to get sick so quickly…? He was fine yesterday…" Whitetail mumbled into his hands. Jaypaw bit his lip, remembering the tang of old blood he'd scented that morning.

"Increased physical activities or sometimes recent wounds, even just bruises, can deplete the immune system, making it easier for the disease to attack him. Stress, lack of sleep, and depression can also hurt the immune system…" Jaypaw told the older man, racking his brain for what Leafpool had taught him just a week or so ago.

"We haven't been doing anything particularly hard lately… just hunting and battle moves, not actual sparring…" Whitetail said, half to himself. "But then… His mother and father… and Breezepaw has seemed more depressed than normal for a while…"

Jaypaw frowned.

"What about his mother and father?" He asked, quickly matching names and scents to the titles. Nightcloud. Crowfeather.

"Huh?" Whitetail looked up, as though noticing Jaypaw for the first time. "Oh, nothing… there's just been some stress in that family for some time…"

"Okay… Listen, I think you should get something to eat." Jaypaw told Breezepaw's mentor gently. "Sitting around here isn't doing you any good, and-"

A loud, grief-stricken wail cut Jaypaw off, and he felt as though time nearly stood still.

One of his patients had died.

"No! Owlwhisker!" Rasped Kesteralpaw, who had stumbled to his feet to look over the bed next to him.

Jaypaw lowered his head in respect, as every other conscious Windclan member took up the wail.

When they were finished, he and Barkface approached the bed, doing a final exam before drawing Owlwhisker's sheets up over his head.

"Rest in peace," Barkface murmured to his fallen companion, before wheeling the travel-bed over to the corner, where other clan members could retrieve him for his vigil that night.

"..Jaypaw…?" Breezepaw's weak voice beckoned the boy over to his bedside. Jaypaw just barely remembered to lift the sheet that served as a makeshift wall between Breezepaw and the other patients.

"Yes, Breezepaw?" The wailing must have woken him from his drug induced sleep.

"Have my parents…. Come to see me?"

Jaypaw felt his ears droop.

"No, I'm sorry."

"Figures." Breezepaw laughed, and Jaypaw felt a bit better. If Breezepaw was feeling good enough to laugh, even if it was slightly self-depreciating, then he was probably a long way from the call of Starclan.

"How are you feeling?" Jaypaw leaned over the other boy to check his pulse.

"Better, now that you're here." Breezepaw purred, tugging at Jaypaw's plain t-shirt.

"Shut up and keep still." Jaypaw growled, pulling back and dislodging Breezepaw's hand.

"Yessir." Breezepaw laughed slightly. The curtains rustled behind them, and both boys froze.

"How are you?" Kesteralpaw croaked, stumbling into the makeshift room.

"He's fine." They said at the same time, and Breezepaw snickered.

"How is Barkface? Is it alright for you to be up?" Jaypaw took a step forward, feeling the Windclan apprentice healer's forehead.

"I have to help!" Kesteralpaw growled, jerking away. "I can't let anyone else die!" His voice broke, and Jaypaw could hear him trying to choke back sobs. He imagined the boy was crying.

"Easy," Jaypaw soothed the boy, fighting the strong urge to snap at him for being out of bed and putting more stress on himself and Barkface. "You'll be better soon, but you need to rest a bit more before you can help. Why don't you sit down and sort some herbs for Barkface?" He took the older boy by the arm and gently led him out of the room and towards Barkface's store of herbs. Kesteralpaw sat without a fuss and quietly started counting tansy.

Jaypaw had started to walk back to Breezepaw's room, holding some more herbs to put the boy under, when Barkface caught his arm.

"Yes?" Jaypaw asked.

"Weaselfur is well enough to rest in the Warrior's den. Walk him back there, please. Make sure he gets straight to bed." Barkface told him, and a Jaypaw felt relief rolling off the other man in waves.

"Alright, ill you give these herbs to Breezepaw?" Jaypaw held out the leaves in question.

"No, I don't think he needs to be put under again. Walk Weaselfur back, get some food, and get some sleep, alright? I'll need you soon. I have a bad feeling that the worst is not yet over." Barkface turned, striding away. "Kesteralpaw! What are you doing out of bed?"

Jaypaw located the distressed Weaselfur and led him out of the room. He managed to tuck the warrior into bed without incident, except nearly running straight into Crowfeather. The older man hadn't seemed to notice, though. The Thunderclan apprentice snuck past the mourners in the sitting room. Owlwhisker was displayed in the center of the room, and his friends and family were gathered around him, holding vigil and saying last goodbyes. Jaypaw had been so busy; he hadn't noticed when Owlwhisker had been removed from the healing room.

The scrawny apprentice wasn't bold enough to sneak something from the kitchen, and even if he had been, he didn't have much of an appetite anyway.

Sighing, he walked up the hundreds of stairs to the room Breezepaw and he had shared, curling up in the middle of the mattress. It still smelled of Breezepaw.

Cursing at himself for being comforted by this, Jaypaw curled around one of the Windclan boy's old shirts, breathing in its owners scent until he could fall asleep.

(*X*)


	6. Chapter 6

"Jaypaw, wake up, I need you." Barkface's hoarse voice woke him with a start.

"Why? What happened?" Jaypaw asked sleepily, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

"It's Breezepaw; he's got a fever and I can't tend to the others and keep him cool at the same time."

At Breezepaw's name, Jaypaw had jumped up and nearly run into Barkface. The older man put a hand out to steady the apprentice.

"Let's go." Jaypaw said, allowing Barkface to guide him through the door and down the steps to the healer's room. He was still a tad unsteady on his sleep-ridden legs and nearly tripped at least three times. When asked, Barkface told him it was a few hours after moon high, and nearly everyone was asleep.

The smell of sickness made Jaypaw feel slightly ill to his stomach, but he still pushed open the door and strode in, casting his senses around until he knew where Breezepaw was. The older healer walked over to him, leaving Jaypaw to trail after him.

"Wipe his forehead with that cloth there- yes, that one- and try to strip him down as much as you can –yes, it's alright to leave his underwear on if you're not comfortable with him being fully naked- and take his temperature about every twenty minutes. Call out to me when you do, so I can read his temperature, alright?" Barkface listed off instructions, moving around and checking the other patients as well.

"Okay." Jaypaw fumbled slightly, wetting the cloth in a conviently placed sink about two foxlengths away. Behind him, the Windclan apprentice stirred.

"Hello...?" Breezepaw croaked, shifting restlessly. His voice was hoarse and he smelled of sweat, sickness, and fever.

"It's just me," Jaypaw moved to the side of the bed, feeling Breezepaw's forehead with his free hand. He drew back with a hiss, cradling his hand.

"Hey, I was just-," Breezepaw coughed violently and tried to sit up. Jaypaw supported his back, making a shushing noise.

"Don't try to talk," He soothed. "I'm going to need to take some of your clothes off though, alright?"

"Anytime," Breezepaw choked out, as Jaypaw lowered him onto his back. Jaypaw gave an exasperated sigh, but was secretly glad that Breezepaw was at least up to being... well, Breezepaw. He pulled Breezepaw's shirt over his head as gently as he could.

Breezepaw gave a small sound of contentment as the cool air hit his chest. Jaypaw took a deep breath, and then fumbled at the front of Breezepaw's jeans. His already apparent blush deepened when Breezepaw snickered.

"Shut up," he grumbled under his breath while sliding Breezepaw's pants down and off.

"Maybe I-," Breezepaw coughed again, but it didn't sound as bad as last time, "-ought to get sick more often."

"Stuff it and rest," Jaypaw growled, controlling the urge to fling the cloth he had begun soaking in cold water at Breezepaw's face. It was going to be a long day. _Why was I even worried?_

_Because you care about him. _A small voice whispered, even as Jaypaw silently directed it to do something anatomically immpossible with itself.

(*X*)

"Jaypaw?" Heatherpaw's voice made him jump. He wiped his forehead on the back of his arm, turning to face her.

"Yes?"

"I brought you some food." She pushed the plate into his empty hands. Jaypaw lifted the plate to his face, using his nose to determine what the girl had brought him. It didn't really matter though, since he was hungry enough to eat an entire turkey himelf.

"Thanks," He picked up a morsel, popping it into his mouth hungrily. "What time is it, by the way?" He asked, while chewing. When he was this hungry and tired, manners didn't seem to matter much.

"Uh, it's about 5:00," Heatherpaw said, presumably looking around while Jaypaw wolfed down the food she'd brought him. The room was considerably emptier, thank Starclan. Morningflower, Antpelt, and Tornear had all been deemed mostly healed and allowed to go rest in the Warrior's den. Kesteralpaw was slightly worse, Jaypaw thought because he'd refused to rest the day before. Bristlepelt was roughly the same, and Barkface was especially worried about him. Breezepaw's fever had lessened, but only slightly. His condition had Barkface pacing and pulling at his hair while Jaypaw relentlessly kept up his efforts to cool the Windclan apprentice.

"…How is he?" Heatherpaw asked after a moment of silence.

"Not much better," Jaypaw sighed, pausing in his feeding frenzy for a moment. Heatherpaw made a whimpering noise. Jaypaw felt cold as an unwanted idea popped into his head. "Uh, was there something between you two…?" He asked, telling himself that it didn't matter to him if they did, and trying to get the quiet voice calling him a liar to shut up.

"Huh? No, of course not! He's like my _brother_!" Heatherpaw sounded disgusted. Jaypaw tried to ignore the feeling of relief spreading through him.

"Oh, that makes sense… Listen, thanks for the food but I have to go…" Heatherpaw took the plate back.

"I really appreciate you helping our clan like this." The smile in her voice was genuine. Jaypaw nodded, smiling slightly.

"Anytime." He turned, making his way back to Breezepaw's bed. They had taken the makeshift curtain down since there were only two other patients, and Warriors with minor ailments had stopped coming after Breezepaw had contracted greencough. Jaypaw was surprised that he was not as tired as he had expected, barely getting any sleep and then working nearly all day. He could still walk in a straight line anyway.

"Hey, blind-boy." Breezepaw laughed hoarsely. Jaypaw rolled his sightless eyes.

"You awake and coherent again, sick-kid?" The healer felt his forehead, noting with satisfaction that the heat had gone down.

"Awake, yes." Breezepaw coughed. "Coherent… I see swirling shapes and have the mad urge to tell you stories about my childhood." Jaypaw frowned.

"Swirling shapes… you're not just puling my tail are you?"

"Nope." The sick boy paused to suck in a gasping breath. Jaypaw felt guilty for making him talk so much when he was obviously in pain. "Yellow ones, moving around on the ceiling." Something rustled and Jaypaw imagined Breezepaw pointing at the ceiling and following the shape with his finger.

"I'm pretty sure that's a bad sign…" Jaypaw said, still not fully convinced Breezepaw was serious.

"No shit Sherlock." Breezepaw coughed. "Well? What are you waiting for?" He wheezed. "Go fetch the cavalry!"

"What seems to be the problem?" Barkface asked, startling the blind boy and his charge.

"He's seeing things. Hallucinating." Jaypaw reported.

"Breezepaw, how long has this been happening?"

"A while," was the curt reply. Jaypaw could feel Barkface's annoyance with the sarcastic apprentice.

"Care to be more specific?"

"It's a tad bit difficult-," Breezepaw paused briefly to hack up a lung. Or at least, that's what it sounded like. "-When I have no way to keep time. After Jaypaw stopped to talk with Heather, but before he came back."

"Not good," Barkface murmured, his annoyance fading as quickly as it had come. Water sloshed in a container as the older healer prepared another cloth to cool Breezepaw. Said patient groaned, and Jaypaw couldn't help but feel sympathetic. It must be terribly boring to be cooped up in here.

"Breezepaw, do you think you could keep down some catmint?" Barkface asked, while Jaypaw scurried over to fetch some.

"Why do I feel like that's not a question?" Breezepaw's sarcastic voice was hoarse. "Yeah, I think I can. But if I can't, I refuse to be held responsible."

Jaypaw and Barkface continued to work, with Breezepaw's condition slowly worsening until he was barely rational. Every time Jaypaw went near him, the pain nearly choked him. Breezepaw's fever had lessened, but the boy was still in an agonizing state. No matter how gentle Jaypaw was when he changed out the wet cloth on Breezepaw's forehead, the Windclan apprentice always flinched, as though burned.

Barkface had grown more and more worried as the hours flew by. Kesteralpaw had fallen into a deep sleep, and was no longer trying to get up. Bristlepelt been sent back to the Warriors den, but Jaypaw had been kept so busy he hardly noticed.

"Am I…. Going to die?" Breezepaw finally whispered, when Jaypaw had given him some herbs.

"You better not!" Jaypaw mock snarled, his insides twisting at the possibility. "You're not allowed to die until we've talked about… things."

Breezepaw laughed; the sound was so hoarse that at first Jaypaw had thought he was choking.

"Sorry… Jaypaw. We might not… Get to talk about those 'things'… Except in Starclan." Breezepaw sighed, and Jaypaw felt sleep wash over the other apprentice. Cold fear gripped his heart.

What if he never woke up?

Taking a step back, Jaypaw finally admitted the inevitable. Checking around the room, he sensed that Barkface was busy with Kesteralpaw. The blind apprentice gently moved his patient over, climbing onto the cot next to him and curling up. Closing his eyes, Jaypaw concentrated on letting his heart rate match Breezepaw's.

(*X*)

Jaypaw blinked, looking around. He was at the edge on the lake on Windclan's side, watching a dark haired figure stand ankle deep in the water. His jeans were ragged and rolled up to his knees, a white scar briefly appearing before running up his thigh. The long grass around Jaypaw was brown and dry, swaying slightly in the breeze. Sunlight danced across the surface of the lake, so birght that Jaypaw was forced to look away. Behind him, the large, slightly run-down manor that the Windclan cat's called their home stood proud. Shivering as a shadow passed over the sun, Jaypaw took a step forwards.

"Breezepaw?" The boy in the water spun around, shoulder-length black hair swaying.

"Jaypaw! What are you doing here?" Breezepaw asked, his face breaking into a wide grin.

**** First off, let me say I am VERY SORRY for not uploading earlier, and for uploading a rather short chapter when I finally beat my writer's block with a stick. Which is probably full of mistakes. If anyone would like to look over my new chapters before I upload them and correct my mistakes and give me some advice, I'd love you forever. Anyway, enjoy some brief touchy-feely moments. I may slip in a make-out scene next chapter, if I receive at least five reviews.**

**Yeah, I know I'm pulling the evil card by forcing people to reivew for more fanservice. I'm not sorry. Except a little. I love all my reviewers anyway, you guys are the only reason I've kept up this story! XD** ******


	7. Chapter 7

(*X*)

Jaypaw blinked, looking around. He was at the edge on the lake on Windclan's side, watching a dark haired figure stand ankle deep in the water. His jeans were ragged and rolled up to his knees, a white scar briefly appearing before running up his thigh. The long grass around Jaypaw was brown and dry, swaying slightly in the breeze. Sunlight danced across the surface of the lake, so bright that Jaypaw was forced to look away. Behind him, the large, slightly run-down manor that the Windclan cat's called their home stood proud. Shivering as a shadow passed over the sun, Jaypaw took a step forwards.

"Breezepaw?" The boy in the water spun around, jaw-length black hair swaying.

"Jaypaw! What are you doing here?" Breezepaw asked, his face breaking into a wide grin.

"Looking for you…" Jaypaw replied, grinning in spite of himself. Breezepaw really didn't look too bad. In reality, he had gotten the impression that Breezepaw was small for his age, even though he happened to be taller than Jaypaw. The Breezepaw he knew, or thought he knew, was angry, underfed, and usually had a bruise or two on his shoulders or face. This Breezepaw was cheerful, of an average build, and perfectly healthy. No coughing, no scratchy voice, no half-healed wounds.

"You look good." Jaypaw observed, trying not to linger on the fact that Breezepaw had neglected to wear a shirt in this dream.

"Thank- Hey! You can see!" Breezepaw blinked in surprise, seeing Jaypaw's unclouded, blue eyes. Jaypaw nodded wryly.

"Yeah." They stood across from each other, each studying the other's face.

"Jaypaw?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm dreaming, aren't I?" Breezepaw took a step forwards.

"Yes." Jaypaw eyed him warily, noticing that there was only about a tail's length between them now.

"I thought so. You're always in my dreams." And with that, Breezepaw closed the scant distance between them. Catching Jaypaw off guard, he kissed him full on the mouth, deepening the kiss when Jaypaw gasped. Tangling his hands in black hair, the healer held on for dear life as Breezepaw tasted every inch of his mouth.

Groaning softly, Breezepaw withdrew slightly, a fragile string of saliva connecting them. Jaypaw glared at the other boy, trying to ignore the flush that made Breezepaw look completely adorable.

"What's wrong?" Breezepaw snickered, leaning forward to nibble at Jaypaw's left ear. The ear flicked back, and Jaypaw pushed him away, blushing furiously.

"Don't you wonder why I'm here?"

"Not really. I'm just glad you are."

Jaypaw sighed, even as Breezepaw tucked him under his arm, dragging him to the ground and pulling him into his lap.

"I need to talk to you about something important. Doesn't something about this seem strange to you?"

Breezepaw shrugged, resting his chin on Jaypaw's shoulder.

"Beside that fact that you're letting me hold you?"

"If you say it like that again, you're getting an elbow in the face." Jaypaw warned, before continuing. "If you know you're dreaming, do you remember where you were before you fell asleep?" He turned to watch Breezepaw's expression. It was a definite frown.

"I remember…. You were there. And I was… So was Barkface. I was in the healer's room? I had…" His face paled considerably. Jaypaw felt a twinge in his stomach, and a definite need to comfort his stalker. If you could call him that…

"Am I dying?" Breezepaw asked, his eyes wide.

"Not if I have anything to do about it," Jaypaw promised.

"…" Breezepaw looked down.

"What?" The grey-haired healer demanded, grabbing the other apprentice under the chin, forcing Breezepaw to look at him.

"I don't know if I want to go back…" Breezepaw admitted, his amber eyes searching Jaypaw's.

Jaypaw stared at him, shocked. "What do you mean, you don't know if you want to go back?"

"I mean, what's the point really?" Jaypaw released his chin and Breezepaw continued to look at the ground.

"Don't you want to become a Warrior?" Jaypaw demanded, his tail thrashing. Breezepaw teasingly pulled it, earning a slap on the wrist from the other boy.

"I guess…."

"You guess?"

Breezepaw finally looked up of his own accord, eyes flashing and teeth bared. Jaypaw narrowed his eyes, meeting the Windclan apprentice's glare.

"Don't you understand?" Breezepaw hissed, "There's nothing left for me in Windclan! My parents hate me, the clan shuns me, and I don't even know why, and you… you hate me! So tell me, oh wise and powerful _healer_-" He sneered, "Why, in Starclan's name, would I ever want to go back? It's quiet here, there's no one to disturb me, no one to _hurt_ me." Breezepaw looked down, choking back the sobs that threatened to overwhelm him.

Jaypaw felt his heart twist.

"Hey," He murmured, tentatively stroking the black hair. "Hey, I don't hate you." Breezepaw looked up, his face full of skepticism.

"You flinch when I touch you. You growl when I kiss you." Breezepaw's voice was flat.

Jaypaw sighed, feeling resigned. He leaned forward, gently pressing his lips against Breezepaw's. He took his time during the kiss, feeling how soft it could be. It was pleasant, Jaypaw decided, while languidly tracing Breezepaw's bottom lip with his rough tongue. He twisted, facing Breezepaw now, and pulled them closer together.

Breezepaw moaned quietly, burying his hands under Jaypaw's shirt and tracing patterns down his back.

"I need you." Jaypaw breathed when they broke apart for air. And then he was kissing Breezepaw again, and it was electric. The only regret Jaypaw had, as their tongues wrestled playfully, was that this was only a dream. But though it was a dream, neither participant was fictional.

Slowly, Breezepaw was pushed onto his back, Jaypaw still glued to his lips.

"You need me?" Breezepaw asked, panting, when they paused. Jaypaw didn't answer, only traced his clawed hands through black hair, and looked into amber eyes.

"I see." Breezepaw smiled, and pulled Jaypaw down for another kiss.

"Ahem."

The boy's jumped apart, Jaypaw nearly rolling into a patch of thorns. Tallstar, the previous Windclan leader, stood over them.

"I- uh-" Breezepaw stuttered, red in the face. His ears were pinned back, nearly buried in his messy black hair.

"Relax, small warrior." The tall leader grinned easily, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. "We all have our… indiscretions." His long tail flicked, as though dismissing the scene before him. Tallstar's yellow eyes flicked to Jaypaw. "Yellowfang sent me to ask what as taking so long. She advises that you two return before Barkface misses you."

"I- uh, yeah. I know. We were just about to head back." Jaypaw lied, slowly becoming relieved.

"Good." And with a wink, Tallstar turned and sauntered off, presumably in the direction he had come.

"So, uh…" Breezepaw blinked.

"Ready to go back?" Jaypaw asked, internally praying that Tallstar was not about to tell Yellowfang what he had seen.

Breezepaw grinned now, getting to his knees and helping Jaypaw out of the bushes.

"Yeah, I think I am." He said, picking burrs out of Jaypaw's hair. The healer rolled his eyes, allowing the other boy to help him to his feet after he'd finished with his hair.

"Good." Jaypaw planted a quick kiss on the Windclan apprentice's lips, trying furiously not to blush.

Breezepaw snickered, and Jaypaw knew he had not succeeded.

"So, uh, how exactly do we wake up?" He asked.

"Like this." Jaypaw blinked, and opened his eyes.

He was sightless again. Jaypaw breathed a sigh of disappointment, as he always did when he woke up. Beside him, Breezepaw stirred. Jaypaw sat up and hopped off the bed, resisting the urge to stretch. He couldn't have been out long, since Barkface was still busy at the other end of the room.

"Jaypaw?" Breezepaw croaked, and Jaypaw turned to him.

"Yes?"

"Was that.. I just had the weirdest dream…."

"I know. " Jaypaw felt the other boy's forehead, and was relieved to see that it was already cooling.

"You- what?"

"I was there." Jaypaw smirked despite himself. "And I think you're going to be okay."


	8. Chapter 8

(*X*)

Jaypaw left several days later, with profuse thanks from Barkface and a whispered promise from Breezepaw.

"I'll see you around." His voice was still slightly raspy from his bought with the sickness.

"See you." Jaypaw murmured back, feeling a hand run through his hair. Lips ghosted over his in a pale imitation of a kiss.

"Good." And with that, Breezepaw left him, and Jaypaw waited until his footsteps faded before packing his things. Not that he had many.

In a few minutes, he would walk downstairs. Heatherpaw would probably be waiting for him, and he'd smile as she thanked him. Then Onestar (to show his appreciation for Thunderclan) and Barkface would walk him back to his own territory. There would be awkward small talk, and Jaypaw would feel resentful for having people walk him back when he was perfectly capable of walking alone. They'd make it to Thunderclan, where he'd be passed off to Leafpool and Firestar, who obviously had nothing better to do than walk the blind kid home. Jaypaw would be pissed, though he'd calm some when Barkface thanked him again, in front of his mentor and both leaders.

Then, when they made their way back to Thunderclan's old house, Jaypaw would be tackled by his siblings, who missed him. His mother and father would hug him and praise him too- it was altogether bad for his ego. Then, eventually, he'd make his excuses and head to bed, as he hadn't had a decent night's sleep for days. But he'd lay awake anyway, and wonder what the hell he'd managed to get himself into. He'd laugh and he'd cry, all of it muffled by the walls surrounding him. And he'd make a decision, loath to call it giving up. And then he'd curl up, and finally, finally, he'd be able to rest.

Once he was asleep, he'd again be confronted by Starclan. They'd start the whole spiel they usually did, until Jaypaw decided to interrupt them.

"I guess," he'd say, "That being a healer isn't so bad." Everyone would look shocked, except for the tall, pale Windclan leader, who'd smirk behind all their backs. Jaypaw would see it though, because he saw everything when he had sight.

And so, his training would begin with the cranky old woman called Yellowfang, and even though she could be a bit gruff, Jaypaw would ultimately come to care for the cranky old healer. Life would go on.

As for Breezepaw, the moment Jaypaw had gone, he would make his way into the clan's kitchen. There, he'd see Crowfeather. It was awkward, because the man obviously felt guilty. There were dark rings under his eyes, and he looked like he hadn't slept for a few days, at least. His shirt was stained and torn, like he hadn't bothered to change it after hunting. Crowfeather would look down, not able to meet Breezepaw's eyes. Breezepaw would glare, like he always did, and then he'd just leave. Seeing his father ruined his appetite. He'd hide in his room until it was dark. Then he'd sneak out and make his way down to the lake, where moonlight fluttered over waves like a bird. He'd sit there for hours, until the horizon began to lighten. He'd slink back inside, and fall asleep for a few hours before training with Whitetail, who at least, was glad to see him. They hunt, and Breezepaw would catch a rabbit.

And so, life would be normal that day, until the evening. The evening, when Nightcloud would find him, alone outside, looking at the sky. She'd hug him and cry, and Breezepaw would try not to run or puke or cry. Because he knew what came after the tears. And sure enough, Nightcloud would grow angry. She'd scream at him, and then she'd slap him, but that would be it. She would leave, and Breezepaw would find some ice for his newest bruise. And he'd stare into the mirror and see all the scars that Jaypaw had commented on. He'd remember how he got each one, cowering away from the she-demon inside his mother. He'd remember how he'd lied about each and every one, passing them off as training mementos.

He'd remember a strange boy with blind eyes who told him that everything was going to be alright. Then, Breezepaw would curl up in his bed, far away from all the others, and he'd dream of soft grey ears and a smirk that made his heart beat faster.

(End)


End file.
